the truth about forever
by August Fai
Summary: Forever only lasts until forever ends.' Remus knows this well, and wishes it could be that way with Lily: forever. RL fluff, slight JL.


A/N: Was supposed to be a drabble. Isn't. Written for Sadako, a.k.a. yuuichiro, because she asked for it, and I couldn't–I _couldn't_–do a Ron/Draco. shudder Nawww.

Pairings: Remus/Lily, James/Lily

Rating: G

Disclaimer: And since when has Harry Potter _ever _belonged to me? Nope. You'll find that talented woman in Scotland. Once you're there, I'll mail you my Master List of Ships, and us shippers and Jo can do a little..._conversing. _(In other words, I don't own Harry Potter/never will unless I marry her son. Hey! I never thought of that...)

Warning: FLUFF. I'm serious. FLUFF. ABOUND. Sadako, _gomen _if it's too much fluff. dies

the truth about forever

**I. **

"Pinky swears are for Hufflepuffs, Evans."

"Oh, _James_–"

Remus watches over his book as Lily forcefully uncurls James' pinky from his clenched fist and entwines it with her own. He knows James well enough to know that his scrunched-up face is not an expression of disgust, but embarrassment, and that weird color spreading over his face–sort of pink, sort of puce, sort of crimson–is a blush. He may be wholly attractive, Remus thinks, but he never wants the girls to see him when he's like _this, _and all of their little group knows why.

But Lily laughs. "See? It's not so bad. Now you can't break the promise, because you _pinky swore._" Oh, the sacred rituals of girls–pinky swears are _the core _of them all and can't be broken. You can slit your palm open and shove it on someone else's to make a blood pact, but even _that _isn't as bonding as the pinky swear. Remus doesn't know why, but that's the way it is. James turns to him in an act of desperation, and he smiles.

"Did you hear that, Prongs? Can't break the promise."

"Shut up, Moony."

Moony cracks a grin and watches Prongs deflate as he asks Lily how long the 'bleeding curse' lasts. "James! It's not a _curse. _It's not _magic. _It's just a promise. And it lasts forever!" She stretches out her arms as far as they will go sideways, for she is thirteen and still pretty short. Remus is taller than her, even. (But Peter is not.) "Forever. Right, Remus...?"

Startling, shiny green eyes meet Remus' own and he nods, his grin becoming more that as his amusement soars. "Right. Forever."

They share a secret, knowing smile as James groans and slumps down onto the armchair behind him. "Forever! Evans, that's a long time!" He meets Moony's eyes and rolls his own in a statement of_ this is so bloody stupid Moony please help me and don't just sit there grinning. _

Moony is still grinning.

"No, it isn't," Lily says, raising her right index finger in contradiction. "Forever only lasts until forever ends."

"EVANS! You're not making any sense!"

"_Yes, _I am–"

"You know, James," Moony cuts in, placing a quill in his book, "women are always right."

Lily looks at Remus. Remus looks back. James curses; and that's when the both of them end up laughing.

**II.**

Remus doesn't remember what the promise was about. It doesn't matter now, anyway. That was ages ago–third year, and it is now sixth. He, Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail are in the common room in front of the fire, attempting to do homework–_attempting_. It is just the boys. Lily is out.

That's a good thing, considering their topic of choice.

"You know Prongs–" Padfoot summons an apple from the table and bites into it viciously, not unlike a dog to a bone, "–if it weren't for you and Alison Summers, I'd say you _liked _Lily."

"Hrnnn?" James is lying in front of the fire with a Charms book over his face. He is half-asleep, thanks to the dull roaring of the fire and the lull of his friend's voices.

Remus nudges him in the side with his socked foot.

"Prongs, Padfoot just said you liked Lily."

Peter giggles and Sirius punches Remus in the shin. "I did _not _say that!" he says at the same time James sits up quickly and goes, "You stupid prat! I do not!"

"But James," Peter says softly from where he is seated, at the outermost fringe of their small circle, "you're always teasing her."

"Well I just like to _tease _her," James says loudly, his face scrunching up in that familiar way. "I don't like her like _that. _I mean I have a girlfriend."

"I KNOW," Sirius growls, looking at Remus, "THAT'S WHAT I SAID."

Remus chooses to ignore his rather rabid friend. "I don't see why you _don't _like Lily. She's a very nice girl."

"What are you, Moony–forty? 'She's a very nice girl.'" A collective snigger goes round the group. "Honestlysay what you _really _want to say."

"That's what I really wanted to say!"

"Bet you it isn't. Bet you think Lily's _cute,_" Sirius pipes up, moving closer to the fire, knocking elbows with James. They snicker at each other. "Bet you think she's _cute_..."

"I–" In times like these Remus wishes he knew how to change at will, just like the rest of his friends. Then he could streak away into the forest where no one could see him, see him or his secrets. "I do _not. _Lily's really nice, and that's all I meant to say about her."

"Tell you what, prats," James says from the floor where he has lain back down, "if I break up with Alison Summers, I'll ask Evans out. But if Alison continues to slather me with love and good fortune–"Sirius snorts, but James continues. "–then Moony can have her."

"But I don't _want _her–"

"Shut up, Moony. Anyway I doubt that will happen. I'll probably have Ali around...say, forever?"

Three pairs of eyes look at the bespectacled, shaggy-haired boy in front of them. And then they start to laugh.

"Alison? _Summers? _With _you? _FOREVER? Oh, Merlin–James, you're a funny one..."

"James and Ali, sittin' in a tree...James falls off and leaves the baby–"

"Oh, SHUT UP!"

Even Remus finds himself laughing as James furiously picks up his Charms book and hurls it at Sirius and Peter. He doesn't think James remembers what Lily said about forever. He didn't think he would. James isn't the deep type; he isn't one to remember something as strung and foreboding as the words _'forever lasts until forever ends'. _

Moony does, though. He remembers well.

**III.**

One day, Lily needs a little reminding of what forever means.

She huffs loudly and dives into a couch face-first, her red hair flying around her like amber wings and settling rather ungracefully down onto her back. She lies there, unmoving, and in the chair beside her Remus wonders whether she is breathing.

"Lily?" he pokes her once in the shoulder. Response: nil. "Lily, are you okay?"

"Nnnrgghk." Well, at least she can make sound. "Remus. That you?"

He nods, before realizing she can't see him. "Yeah," he answers as she turns around morbidly, looking over her shoulder. "And just me," he says after a moment, because it looks like she's looking out for people she knows. Like she doesn't want to be near them. Or see them. Or talk to them.

Which makes Remus feel glad; but he doesn't want to admit it.

"Are you okay?" he asks first when she sits up, because she doesn't look like it: her eyes are a dull shade of moss, not emerald, and she looks tired. Even her hair is limp. She shrugs.

"I don't know. If I'm not okay, it's all James' fault. Stupid bloody berk."

_Oooh. _It's almost like a dawning, every time the words 'James' and 'stupid' come out of Lily's mouth. It never used to be that way because every sentence Lily spoke had the words 'James' and 'stupid' in them, because James _was _stupid, but now, in seventh year, they've started dating, and the insults and the wars and the biting have stopped somewhat. Remus (who is reading again) puts down his book.

"I know he is," he says, and both of them smile. "But if he got you like this, he must have been more than stupid. What did he do?"

She sighs. "Oh, it's daft, really. He..."

And then there is the long, girl-stung version of the story, a story that takes Lily ten minutes to tell, whereas if someone like Sirius had done it, it would have taken three _words, _and without all the hand gestures. But Remus listens and nods and frowns and grins in all the right places, because James is one of his best friends, and it's funny, really.

"...and I wish we didn't have this awful row but we _have, _oh, Remus, how do you put up with him? He can be so..._gah, _sometimes. You know? He's been like this forever! I thought he had changed some, but _noo! _No, he's–"

Moony smiles, very amused. "He's changed, Lily."

"Has not." Her eyes are emerald again.

"Has too."

"Has not."

"Has too."

They look at each other for a moment: Remus with his eyebrows raised and Lily with her head thrown back; defiant.

But Lily breaks first, smiling widely. She sighs, twirling a piece of her red hair around her pinky, and Remus is instantly attracted to the auburn swirl wrapped around her finger.

He always knows what to say to make her feel better.

"Lily, aren't you forgetting about forever?"

She blinks, confused. "What?"

He says it slowly, whether to savor her words in his own mouth or just to make her understand, he doesn't know. "Forever only lasts until forever ends."

She stares, and when she is about to say something, that is when the portrait opens and a disheveled James clambers through; wind-burned and looking very sorry indeed. He is cute and looking like a little lost stag in the forest and Lily stands up and walks towards him, saying words of sorry and remorse and he was stupid but Remus made it better, he made her understand.

_Thanks, Moony, _James is saying with his eyes over Lily's shoulder. _No problem, _Moony is saying back, _but I'm the one who made her understand._

He wishes he can always do that.

**IV.**

On the night of Lily and James' wedding there are words said between her and Remus that no one should know about. They consist of things like _was watching you _and _wish I had time _and _you'll be happy Lily, promise. _There were no blatant hints, no torrid gestures, no longing stares, and no subtext. There was nothing.

They loved each other anyway.

"This is what I meant," Lily whispers as she and Remus walk out of the church vestibule, "when I said that forever only lasts until forever ends."

His eyes search her face. "Really?"

"Yeah," she says softly, taking his gloved hand in her bare ones. It should be the other way around, but James lost his gloves, and Lily is worried that they won't match. _Only Lily would worry about that, _Remus thinks, but listens anyway. "You were always the nicest. Out of everyone. And the smartest. I always wondered how you could put up with those three. Well, Peter was alright. It was Sirius and James, mainly."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Tranquilizing potions and a couple of well-aimed curses, that's all it took."

She laughs; a soft trill that is vibrato on a summer's day, and Remus soars. Down or up, he doesn't know. "Well, that's what I meant. I thought _we'd _be the ones. Together. Forever." Lily takes a breath, but refuses to meet his eyes, and he's worried he won't be able to see her eyes for the last time she is Lily, the Flower, and not Lily, James'. "But forever ended, huh? And then forever started again. Only with that thick-headed Prongs." She smiles.

He wants to take her hand and kiss it, wants to untangle her fingers and tell her they can still take forever by the horns and make it right again. But he knows that isn't the forever she wants. It's ended already.

Actually, he doesn't really mind.

"Lily," he says, because it's the only thing he can. "James is great."

"I know."

"I hope you can stay together forever. You two."

"Me, too."

"I hope _we'll_–"

She sighs and throws her arms around him. "Oh, Remus. Shut up."

They stay like that for awhile, stuck together last-minute, and Remus wonders when it all ended. Sixth year? Seventh year? On the train ride home; last day? Or maybe–

James comes into view at that moment and laughs. "Hey, Moony! Trying to steal my wife? We're not even married yet!"

Moony laughs and Lily detaches herself, sticking out her tongue at James while he walks towards her. "James, _really. _We're just having a friendly hug."

"Yes, I hope that's all it was," James mutters, raising an eyebrow at Remus as he picks Lily up with an exaggerated lift while she squeals. "Come on, Moony. Ceremony's gonna start. Don't wanna be late, do you? You have to keep Wormtail from crying, he'll drown the place..."

Remus runs after them, gives James a pep talk, gets a kick in the side from Lily. He hopes that their forever lasts for a long time, and that he will remember, someday, how his own forever went. It's not too worrying, though. _'Forever only lasts until forever ends.' _He watches James and Lily, laughing, happy, beautiful, and thinks–forevers don't _really _end. Not if you honestly don't want them to.

If that's the case, he figures then that his own certainly hasn't. And won't, for quite a long time.

_fin- _


End file.
